The Point of Friction

Anyway, over the past year I've discovered a lot of things about myself. Some of these things are important, some are trivial. For example: I discovered that if there are video games available to me, I will play them. Period. I also discovered that if this happens, my focus and productivity go out the window. My final discovery in this progression is that if I set up certain boundaries around things like that, I'll generally follow them. So I haven't played video games by myself in months.

Trivial example. Now on to a more recent and more important one. And there just may be more to come.

Through a lot of thinking, experiencing, reading, talking, and asking questions over this past year, I've discovered that I want to be a protector and provider, no matter what situation I'm in. For example, I work as a security guard at school, I am doing my best to pay for college so that I can support a family after graduation, I took 10 years of martial arts training, I learned how to cook. At the time, all of these things seemed coincidental or unimportant, but looking back I can now see that God has been driving me in a certain direction and instilling me with a certain personality and desire to follow in that direction.

One reason I know for sure that these desires are genuine is that I actually find joy when I'm able to be a protector and provider, even if they aren't appreciated or recognized. And I think I find the most joy in being these things when the appreciation and recognition are present but kept very quiet, expressed only by a knowing glance or a thankful spirit. I even find joy in these things when it's difficult or costly for me; where I am sacrificing in order to provide or when I protect someone or their interests and am criticized or belittled by them later. I keep trying to protect and provide because it's in my DNA. It's my role as a man, a future father and husband, a Christian.

Through one little self-revelation at a time, we get to know ourselves better and better. And the better we know ourselves, the more easily we see our strengths and shortcomings, the better we can manipulate our personality and allow it to be manipulated by others, the easier it becomes for us to allow God to change us to become like Christ. And that's the whole point. As C.S. Lewis says, "Every Christian is to become a little Christ. The whole point of becoming a Christian is simply nothing else."