The Point of Friction

I am overflowing with fury. Like fire coursing through my veins. A vicious cycle consuming all that was good in me, stealing it away and giving life only to itself. A fury that seeks an outlet, but that knows it will simply smolder forever, torturing my soul until it is freed from my body.

I am filled with bitterness so deep and galling that I fear nothing short of death will purge me of it. Bitterness that suffocates all and colors everything black. Bitterness that cuts into the core of my being and poisons the pitiful scraps of joy and peace that still cling. Bitterness that takes hope and turns it into despair. 

Oh God. 

What am I becoming? Where is your peace? Your joy? Your hope? Has it all gone away? What have I done? I can't stand up to your perfection. You know that, yet you still require it of me. Why have you given me a taste of glory only to hand me over to this rage and hate? I can't stop it. I can't change. I've tried. I've tried and tried and tried and tried. And yet I know that all my trying is in vain. Nothing. While my lungs still let me breathe, I won't give up, but I know I will lose and fail every with every single breath. As long as my lungs still let me breathe, every breath will be without hope. 

Where are you oh God? 

Where is your mercy now? 

Where?