The Point of Friction

This is a question that I don't know the answer to, and the answer to this question has a serious impact on how I live my life.

If people do change, there are some consequences. There is hope. There is uncertainty. There is something we can do to change ourselves and our world for the better.

If people don't change, there are some consequences. There is no hope. There is absolute certainty. There is nothing we can do to change ourselves and our world for the better.

I think both are true. People don't change in the sense that their personalities are consistent (that is unless they've undergone some sort of trauma that is so horrific and pervasive that it reaches into the deepest part of a person and fundamentally changes it. Like being forced to finish ALL your math homework before you could eat lunch. That will mess you up.). This is statics. For example, someone who is type A will always think type B's are messy and irresponsible and someone who is type B will always think type A's are OCD. An early bird will never enjoy being anything but unconscious after 10 pm and a night owl will always think that 6 am is a cruel joke. Pessimists will always think optimists are crazy and optimists will always think pessimists are suicidal (Realists, on the other hand, wonder why we can't all be crazy and suicidal). People who like to talk will always think silence is awkward and people who would rather think than talk will always think that silence is underrated. These things are static and people generally act according to their personalities. This modus operandi is fine and dandy as long as you're living up in the mountains training a peregrine falcon and carving yourself a house out of a tree. Because you (and your falcon) are all you have to deal with. This way of living falls apart when you rub shoulders with other people who might have, heaven forbid, a different personality.

This is where people do change in the sense that they can choose to change the way they behave regardless of how they feel. I talk more about this in my post about love (please read it, it will give you an understanding of the basis for what I'm saying and it might even change your life). Type A people can be around type B people and appreciate the creativity, freedom, and fluidity with which they live their lives and type B people can be around type A people and appreciate the order and planning around which they structure their lives. Neither must force their way of life on the other. Night owls can get up early to join the breakfast club (or coffee time) with early birds, and early birds can stay up late to watch (or sleep through) a movie with a flock of night owls. Optimists and pessimists can take the advice of the realist. Talkers can listen and listeners can talk, even though either will be hard for both. This is necessary when we live in community with others. We must crucify our own natural desires and tendencies in order to get along with (and show love to) others. Because we're not up in the mountains whittling a steam engine out of a pine log and hunting grizzly bears with a slingshot. We're late for work and the person in line at Starbucks can't decide whether to get a strawberry mocha with extra whip cream or a dirty chai and is calling mom to help them decide. We're driving in the Fred Meyer parking lot and the lady cuts us off and just waves at us because somehow that makes it okay. We're around people who aren't perfect and we all have to get along. Or else we'll end up like Albania.

So basically people can't change who they are but they can change what they do.